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Exploring Sexuality

Normal and Natural to Explore Sexuality?

Rob addresses a controversial subject among therapists.

First, let’s set the stage, Jamie (name changed for confidentiality) went to a local therapist and expressed that she was having problems with porn, masturbation and other sexual desires, etc….

The therapist said that everything was natural and there’s nothing wrong with exploring your sexuallity.

Counseling Sexuality


Exploring your sexuality is like playing with fire next to gas.

Rob’s response to this therapist and any other therapist like this.

“I’m sorry to say this, not really, but for any of you therapists out there giving suggestions like this, I suggest you go get therapy as a therapist. Because why are you trying to justify unhealthy and addictive behaviors with your clients?”

Rob’s pretty blunt here:

“You’re probably transferring your own addictive behaviors or your own addictive emotions to your clients.

If you’re a therapist, and you’re experiencing those kind of counter-transference emotions and justification of something that can become a very addictive behavior…

You don`t know.

You don`t know if you’re client’s going to become addicted.

Rob gives an example of an hair brained idea.

Exploring Sexuality is Dangerous

Therapists don’t know what your genetic makeup is to suggest exploring any potentially addictive substance.

It’s like saying,

“Well hey, if you’re having a tough time sleeping, why don’t you just have a hot toddy or drink a little glass of rum at night.”

You don’t know, if your brain has the chemical make-up where you can become alcoholic, that’s the dumbest thing that you could suggest to someone.

Rob is compassionate to Jamie …

I apologize on behalf of therapists for what you might have experienced, and I’m here to tell you:

  • Do not beat yourself up for having the desires around sexuality.
  • Listen to what your prefrontal cortex (the rational) brain is telling you.
  • Listen to what it’s saying is healthy.
  • Really begin to process your struggles.
  • Addiction is addiction is addiction.

Rob shares a story with Jamie

addiction behavior

Recognizing the behavior is the most valuable lesson learned.

I was working with a client who was getting on top of their addictions and they started talking about how food was taking place of their chemical addictions, and pornography addiction. They had this breakthrough they said,

“You know what? Food isn’t perceived like pornography or alcohol, but for me, it leads me back into those cycles. Because when I binge eat, to numb my brain, I`m triggering and tickling my limbic system back into those other addictive behaviors.”

They were able to really nail that down and surrender to that and develop healthier eating habits, which then helped them stay sober in other areas of their lives.

Addiction is addiction is addiction.

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