Are You Safe to Talk To?
We have learned a lot about same-sex attraction (LGBT) and have much more to learn.
Understand your brain’s response to sexual stimuli.
The fact is, there is no one answer to the array of questions surrounding the LGBT conversation. We know that the search for acceptance, connection, and love are universal despite one’s sexual orientation. When we add controversy, shame, and confusion to the search for connection, the implications are astounding!
Sexuality comes from a natural, instinctual, part of the brain (the limbic system); It’s built-in to us, like the need for air, food, and water.
The logical part of our brain, the pre-frontal or cerebral cortex manages higher functions, thinking, and values: The Processor.
The Limbic brain does not process, it simply wants what is necessary to avoid pain and survive. ‘IT” wants to feel like things are ok and in a comfortable cycle.
When conflict arises between these 2 parts of our brain, we tend to go into fight or flight sequences.
Sexuality in and of itself is one the most conflict driven topics to humanity. Add the controversies of being LGBT to that conflict and it makes chaotic sense why the topic is so heated.
The reality regarding conversations regarding our human sexuality is that the majority of humans are conflict avoidant. Unless backed into a corner, we prefer resolution rather than a fight regarding our sexual natures.
If the answer were as simple as “just choose” don’t you think most LGBT individuals would have already done that?
Questioning Sex as Survival
Now some people would question,
‘Well, is sex really a survival requirement? Is it comparable to air, water and food?’
If you don’t have sex right here, right now, will you die? Of course not. However, the human race is designed to be sexual in order to survive as a race. The idea of the sexual drive being instinctive is very important for understanding our sexual natures.
Most of us desire sexual experiences, but as we add conflict to these sexual inclinations it gets extremely confusing. The vast majority who experience same-sex attraction are confused by it and fear to talk about it. They wonder,
‘Why is this my experience?’.
‘I don’t want to choose this. What is wrong with me?’
For almost all individuals in the LGBT community, they feel that ‘It chose me’, instead of them making a conscious choice to have the sexual orientation that they feel. In fact, in our interviews with dozens of LGBT individuals, they report experiencing denial and self-rejection; Often to the point of wanting life to end due to feeling rejected by self and others.
When hundreds of humans are feeling the extreme “flight” response to end their lives due to something they can’t control, perhaps we need to ask if we are having the right conversations on the topic of LGBT.
Same-Sex Neurological response is just like any other sexual response.
The mere fact that sexuality is very powerful and drives us to seek out a mate helps, more fully, illustrate sexuality as part of survival.
Understanding the brain can certainly help us in realizing sexuality is literally an instinct and a survival type of an approach in processing experiences.
There are few questions more controversial than whether someone is LGBT due to the environment or simply being born that way. In our experience, most LGBT individuals report having always felt that way. The reality is none of us have control over another person’s emotions or sexual orientation, so in the end… it does not matter.
We have seen that the more conflict and negativity LGBT individuals experience, they are likely to flee. In many cases, they will fully disengage from contact and communication with these friends, family and social circles of conflict.
Most importantly, someone who is LGBT is NOT broken. In the way, society and culture have dealt with and communicated regarding the topic is what is broken.
Compassion and love are the most powerful antidotes in healing.
Are you safe to talk to?
Looking to understand Same-Sex Attraction?